Peace is elusive. That's the first sentence that popped into my head when I turned over this week's card, The Star. In Tarot, when a card shows up upside-down, it means that the energy is present but modified somehow. The Star card represents peace, healing, quiet, solitude--pretty much the opposite of anxiety. It's fitting, then, that I pulled this card right smack-dab in the middle of an anxiety freak-out!
Tarot always has a way of slapping me (kindly) in the face with what I need to remember. Seeing The Star reversed reminded me that, yes, peace is elusive, but it also always exists within us. That sense of inner calm always has the potential to be felt; it's always lying dormant in us. It's just that we cover it up with our incessant thoughts, plans, worries, and fears. And it's so NOT easy to just wipe those things away. I spent all afternoon freaking out about job and career plans, and I was not physically able to just breathe the worries away (I wish it worked like that, amiright?).
What did help, though, was reminding myself that I do not need to make any decisions right now. There is still time to gather information, ponder, reflect; in other words, I can make a decision in the future from a more centered place, not from this current frenzied one! Realizing that allowed some space, some breathing room. That's the reminder that The Star brings us: if we search for it, there is always that calm, still inner pool inside us. Maybe we can't feel it right now; maybe we just have to trust that we'll feel it tomorrow, or next week, or next month. (My current motto is "No decisions in May!")
As long as we know that The Star's energy--that calm, still inner peace--resides within us somewhere, then it's okay that we don't feel it right now. That's what the card's reversal is telling us: you won't feel calm all the time (duh), and that's fine. Sometimes I get pissed off at all the mindfulness-love-and-light talk when it sounds like we should always be grounded and centered. WE'RE NOT ALWAYS GONNA BE GROUNDED AND CENTERED!!!!!!!!!!! But if we can remember that we can return to that more centered place, and that we will inevitably return there, therein lies the Star's grace.
I've found that as I've gotten older, I know more tools and shortcuts to get back to that inner-calm-Star place. I know the music that gets me there (Laura Marling all the way! Listen to her latest album, "Semper Femina"). I know that breathing slowly and deliberately actually helps. I know that I can turn off the screens and look out my window and remember that so many other things exist in the world besides my current task or drama. Over the years, experiencing and then recovering from anxiety episodes, I've learned that I do overcome them. Anxiety sucks, and in the moment it's nearly unbearable. It hasn't gotten more fun over time, but I do have more proof that I can withstand it, and that does help.
So, whatever is getting you anxious this week, or confused, or worried-- let it be. It might not go away just yet (um, the astrological theme for May is instability, thank you very much, Mystic Mamma). You may not feel that peaceful Star feeling right now. But it does exist within you, always. You can, and will, find your way back to it. Try to stay still and feel that small, still pool within you. That one teeny part of you that is stable, and calm, and watching everything unfold, and saying oh darling, it will be okay. The Star promises us that this voice is always inside us, even when it's whispering. Even when we can't hear it. It's there.
It's a great week to: slow down, breathe deeply, meditate, close your eyes, unplug, go into nature, take a solo walk, journal, talk nicely to yourself, reach out for support, lean on someone's shoulder, focus on the natural world, sip tea, gaze out your window. Avoid decision-making, over-achieving, or pushing yourself too hard.
Happy star-gazing! xo